Oh How You Forget

this too shall pass

You know those lovely little Facebook memories that crop up on your feed, the ones where it says ‘on this day 4 years ago’ and some photo or status of how you felt/looked/did gives you a pang of nostalgic realisation that life is going really fast? I saw one the other day as I trawled through Facebook during the 3am feed that made me feel a bit sad. It said ‘shitty nights, shitty teething, shitty half term weather, shitty nappies, shitty bank balance, shitty 3 year old tantrums’. I felt sad because I thought how lonely I must have felt to voice all of that so publicly on my wall for all to see but more significantly, that I had no recollection of even doing it. And why is that? Why do we forget the dark times as a mother? Is there some kindness Mother Nature installed in us like forgetting the pain of labour so we reproduce again? There are a millions things I’ve forgotten when it comes to having a newborn baby, despite feeling like I should be an old hat at this mothering role by now, here a some of them;

  • that babies don’t eat, sleep, poo, repeat on a 3 hourly Gina Ford esque schedule
  • that babies cry for absolutely no reason even when you’ve fed them, winded them and changed them
  • that for those first few weeks of life they don’t give you anything back in the form of love or recognition for all your god dam hard work of nourishing them with your breast milk, a simple smile would be hugely appreciated during those darks hours at night
  • and that you will without a doubt question your ability to breastfeed them and always ask yourself ‘how do I know they’re getting enough?’
  • that waking up freezing cold in a pool of your own sweat is possibly the most unpleasant side to breastfeeding
  • and breast pads will always end up rolled up in a sticky ball at the bottom of your bra
  • that tea is only ever drunk tepid
  • that breakfast is eaten at noon and lunch at 4pm
  • that the washing machine is on constantly
  • and the dishwasher for that matter
  • that you never finish a conversation, emails are sat in your draft folder and attempting to make that new recipe you’ve been lusting over in the Hemsley and Hemsley cook book will never happen
  • that mum guilt no matter in what from, raises it’s ugly head when you’re at your most tired and makes you question EVERYTHING
  • that Googling ‘when do babies sleep through the night’ is not going to give you the answer you were hoping for
  • that you’ll find yourself reading every parenting forum (usually during the 3am feed) on the topic but end up getting distracted by a thread on the breast vs bottle feeding debate and wished you hadn’t
  • that it’s incredible how a cup of tea and a chocolate brownie can make everything seem ok again
  • that everything is a phase (dispite HATING this term) and things will get better

11 thoughts on “Oh How You Forget

  1. I think Mother Nature is very kind and lets us forget all the crappy stuff otherwise the world would be full of one child families! Having made the decision to stop at having two little people in my life it’s both wonderful and slightly sad to think ‘this is the last time…’
    The things I’ve learned – the washing machine never stops no matter how old they get, they’re always hungry (but never want what’s on offer) and parenting forums are the devil’s work, no matter what time of day it is!

  2. Phase…ughhh, awful word, but yep, I use it! With 3 girls 9/7/1 everything is one big messy phase, and it’s bloody hard work!! But obvs I’d never change it for the world. With every flutter of a mummys heart & smile on her face, those awful “I can’t do this” or those 3am rocking, boob leaking, crying baby, memory fades. Our body’s & mind are amazing things. You look incredible & eat those brownies, because, hey, I’m sure your not the only one enjoying them. 🙂
    Xx Jo

  3. As a ftm I’ve asked all these questions of myself, I’m so glad to read another mummy who’s had children before feel the same. Makes me feel like I’m not alone as u wish people would voice how tough it can be at times so when u having tough times u know u aren’t alone.
    Great post x

  4. Yes. Eating chocolate chips on graham crackers reading this even though my 24 month old and 4 month old (both are girls) are asleep and I could technically also sleep but a little fun goes a long way toward restoration, as well as actual sleep! I’m so tired though, as the 24 month old now asks to nurse all the time and it also seems like the cloth diaper trail is out of control. I made a list yesterday of everything in the first half of the day that I am grateful for – this included a washer and a dryer, coffee, and an outfit each of theirs that was clean for them to wear as the rest of the laundry was being done that day. I took a 40 minute rest while they took naps yesterday, also, (at my husband’s suggestion) and it actually really helped. I used to do that when I was pregnant with #2 but then stopped after the birth. With two, I think I need the nap still.

    Excellent blog and beautiful girls!

  5. Reading this during the 3am feed, trying to get my little one to sleep so i can put him back down without him screaming and go back to bed. Seb is my first, and just like how after I gave birth to him I thought “fuck doing that again, he can be an only child!” (Which I subsequently got over and now feel like ‘oh yeah it’s ok it only lasts a day, giving birth is no biggy!’) I now find myself thinking the exact same about the being up all night, (“why did I sacrifice sleep and free time so soon??”) Everyone has told me that this first bit doesn’t last long and that it goes quicker than you think, (“Really??!!”) but i know it will, and I will forget all to soon how difficult it all was when the time comes to get excited about getting pregnant again! 😊🍼❤️💤 Off to bed now, I hope!

  6. Love this post, my first is 9 weeks old and each thing you listed is so true *she says stuffing her face in bed with chocolate cookies*.
    But I am learning quickly that while people say ‘it’s just a phase’ and this doesn’t feel helpful at the time, it really is and each day gets better/easier/learn how to manage things better.

    Sarah x

  7. Your posts always make me smile! I feel i’m slowly coming out of some insane place, where it’s acceptable to only get dressed at 4pm & eat soup straight from the pan. Can’t imagine managing 2 though, never mind 4

  8. 5 week old twins. I’m so glad to see these feelings aren’t unique to me. Can’t wait to see the light at the end of this dark, sleepless tunnel.

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