Oh How You Forget

this too shall pass

You know those lovely little Facebook memories that crop up on your feed, the ones where it says ‘on this day 4 years ago’ and some photo or status of how you felt/looked/did gives you a pang of nostalgic realisation that life is going really fast? I saw one the other day as I trawled through Facebook during the 3am feed that made me feel a bit sad. It said ‘shitty nights, shitty teething, shitty half term weather, shitty nappies, shitty bank balance, shitty 3 year old tantrums’. I felt sad because I thought how lonely I must have felt to voice all of that so publicly on my wall for all to see but more significantly, that I had no recollection of even doing it. And why is that? Why do we forget the dark times as a mother? Is there some kindness Mother Nature installed in us like forgetting the pain of labour so we reproduce again? There are a millions things I’ve forgotten when it comes to having a newborn baby, despite feeling like I should be an old hat at this mothering role by now, here a some of them;

  • that babies don’t eat, sleep, poo, repeat on a 3 hourly Gina Ford esque schedule
  • that babies cry for absolutely no reason even when you’ve fed them, winded them and changed them
  • that for those first few weeks of life they don’t give you anything back in the form of love or recognition for all your god dam hard work of nourishing them with your breast milk, a simple smile would be hugely appreciated during those darks hours at night
  • and that you will without a doubt question your ability to breastfeed them and always ask yourself ‘how do I know they’re getting enough?’
  • that waking up freezing cold in a pool of your own sweat is possibly the most unpleasant side to breastfeeding
  • and breast pads will always end up rolled up in a sticky ball at the bottom of your bra
  • that tea is only ever drunk tepid
  • that breakfast is eaten at noon and lunch at 4pm
  • that the washing machine is on constantly
  • and the dishwasher for that matter
  • that you never finish a conversation, emails are sat in your draft folder and attempting to make that new recipe you’ve been lusting over in the Hemsley and Hemsley cook book will never happen
  • that mum guilt no matter in what from, raises it’s ugly head when you’re at your most tired and makes you question EVERYTHING
  • that Googling ‘when do babies sleep through the night’ is not going to give you the answer you were hoping for
  • that you’ll find yourself reading every parenting forum (usually during the 3am feed) on the topic but end up getting distracted by a thread on the breast vs bottle feeding debate and wished you hadn’t
  • that it’s incredible how a cup of tea and a chocolate brownie can make everything seem ok again
  • that everything is a phase (dispite HATING this term) and things will get better