An Open Letter To Kate Middleton

Dear Kate

Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on choosing some great maternity dresses throughout this pregnancy. Re cycling your Top Shop polka dot dress went down a storm, I bet Sir Phillip Green couldn’t believe his luck.

I hope you’re enjoying your ‘nesting period’ now that you’ve finished your last public engagement before the baby is born. I also hope William isn’t spending too much time whizzing around in helicopters rescuing stranded people while you are on your hands and knees scrubbing the Royal floor boards to encourage your baby to get into the right position for labour. Don’t worry, I know you may be tempted to sniff the bottle of Bathroom Bleach due to those uncontrollable urges, it’s just those crazy hormones. Your body does not really want you to eat soap.

photo (5)Really embrace this time to perfect your Hypno-birthing techniques with William, remember ‘Surges not contractions’ and print off your affirmations to post around the delivery room walls. Something along the lines of ‘Opening like a flower‘ or ‘ If in doubt, breathe out’.

Show him how to massage the sacrum of your back during those difficult times of your labour, you may want to consider using aromatherapy oils such as Lavender or Chamomile which are relaxing especially if your Mum or William are getting a little stressed! Drop a few drops onto a tissue and let them have a whiff, this should do the trick. Perhaps this would be a good time to consider trying some perineal massage.

Make sure William knows how to use the TENS machine and can stick the pads on your back without him electrocuting himself! Could be a bit embarrassing for him and you. Not one to tell the Queen. I’m sure you have already, but pack your labour bag, Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream, a wide headband and a pillow are just a few essentials you will definitely need. And not forgetting the all important food bag, especially for William. A strapping lad like him needs to be topped up regularly with high energy snacks; Pot Noddles, a few bananas perhaps and some Lucozade for you to sip to keep you going. (bendy straws, don’t forget the bendy straws!)

Music! We know how much you and William are partial to a little groove once in a while so make a great playlist. You may be inspired here from some of my and my readers suggestions. Number 8 and 11 were particularly good through those final pushes!

Last but not least, remember to take photos! If William is down the business end, get your Mum to take them. Obviously these won’t be the ones The Palace will want to release. But the first one of you with the baby skin to skin and looking like well like you’ve just given birth is very special. Perhaps Instagram it, a nice filter should do the trick.

Sending you lots of positive birthing vibes Kate, and I do hope you achieve the natural birth you so want. I have a feeling your Obstetrician may not be so up for a water birth or Hypno-birth but you never know. One last suggestion, maybe consider a midwife looking after you. One you know, have a good trusting relationship with, one that will support all your choices and treat you like a normal low risk pregnant woman. You could even have a home birth at your parents house, in the private environment you so deserve.  Just like the soon to be Great Grandmother did. If home birth is good enough for The Queen, it’s good enough for the heir to the throne.

Let me know if you change your mind, I may know a few great midwives that could help.

Best Wishes

P is for

P   E   R   I   N   E   U   M    of course!

My 4 year old is learning to read and write and it’s all done in phonics so we can only spell things out veeeeery slooowly in this house at the moment. Anyway yes perineum, do you know what it is and where yours is? Sounds like a stupid question right but at a recent girls supper party a friend of mine didn’t know where her perineum was, in fact she read my post about the girl with the amazing birth partner and thought that the sacrum was your perineum. Oh how we all laughed but secretly I was a little concerned. To be fair she’s not a midwife or a mother yet so she’s got lots of time to find out all about down there when the time comes.  Most people cringe when they hear the word perineum, it’s a bit odd sounding isn’t? And there are lots of other names for it ones I don’t tend to use when talking to women about theirs.  Basically your perineum is the piece is the muscle and tissue that lie between the bottom part of the vagina and the anus.  Prior to having babies you probably don’t ever think about it but when you’re pregnant suddenly your midwife is talking about it like its public property.

The reason I’m talking about perineums is because recently at work I’ve been conducting a little audit (in my head) of all the babies I’ve delivered and if any what sort of tear did the woman sustain.  Of those who had no tear or a very little graze which wouldn’t requiring stitches, I’ve asked them (where appropriate) if they did any perineal massage during pregnancy.  WHAT! Massage down there during pregnancy, the last area you want to touch or even can physically reach! Yes I know it sounds all a bit ouchy but seriously my findings have been really interesting. Perineal massage isn’t something new at all, women have been practising this for centuries but only recently have I noticed more information about it on NHS leaflets, online forums and websites not to mention the amount of women who ask me ‘is it really worth doing?’  Most women worry about getting stretch marks in pregnancy and the shelves are full of various products promising to be the ‘magic’ lotion or cream to stop stretch marks during pregnancy, some range from affordable to quite frankly ridiculous and I for one used my cream religiously twice a day from about 20 weeks pregnant until 3 weeks post natal.  So why such the screwed up face when I mention to women about massaging down there?

Of the women I asked following the birth of their baby, the ones who didn’t tear or only had a graze all said they did some sort or perineal massage during pregnancy.  And as a midwife I could tell as the baby’s head was crowning, that the perineum had been prepared in one way or another as it stretched so beautifully (sorry but us midwives so love talking about perineums).

The best time to start perineal massage is around 34 weeks pregnant, and I would recommend using an oil such as olive oil, sweet almond oil or sunflower oil.

  • Start once you’ve had a bath or shower as you’ll be more relaxed and the tissue will be softer and more comfortable to touch
  • Prop yourself up against some pillows, you can use a mirror if this helps
  • Place your thumbs about 3cm inside your vagina.
  • Press your thumbs downward and sideways gently until you feel a tingling.
  • Hold this stretch for about two minutes.
  • Gently massage the lower part of the entrance to your vagina for about three minutes
  • Continue this once or twice a day, after a week you will notice an increase in flexibility and stretchiness

Some people suggest asking your partner to help with perineal massage, my husband looked at me like I was mental and to be honest I was quite happy with doing it myself.  I know some of you reading this may be thinking no way am I going to do this, but seriously it might mean the difference between a second degree tear and needing stitches. So pregnant ladies next you reach for the olive oil when dressing your salad, remember it’s other qualities too.